Simple Past
by Reni7681
Summary: How would Connor handle loosing Abby in 2.04


AN: Written for the **primevalathon **Autumn 2010 ficathon. Thanks to prehistoriccat for the Beta

Prompt(s): #1: what would have happened to Connor if Abby had died in episode 2.04; #2: the lyrics 'we can't stay like this forever but I have you next to me today'

Pairing(s) Connor/Abby Connor's POV

**Disclaimer: **Primeval and its characters belong to Impossible Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended.

When Rex swoops down next to me, I can't hold back the tears anymore. I could almost see her eyes looking at me. I had failed her; and the last things we said to each other … a sob breaks up my train of thought. Abby is … gone, because of me. She wasn't paying full attention because we were arguing.

I have to get out of here.

Everything here reminds me of Abby. It hurts so much that I can't breathe.

There is a big fat 'something' in my chest and it hurts so much as if it is trying to kill me. It chokes me. I only can take in shattering breaths of air. Tears still blur my sight when I finally leave the flat.

In the car I think of where to go and I find that I have no idea. I just know that I have to go somewhere … else. Somewhere that isn't here.

I just drive and even though I don't know how, I end up back at my old university.

The car park is almost empty and there's nobody there to see me cry.

It all was so easy back when I just was a student. I knew what I was supposed to do and I just got on with it. Studying was never a problem for me, it was people I couldn't understand.

Especially women!

I mean, just take Caroline for example. I really don't get what we have; if we actually _have_ something. All she does is make me go to see bands I've never even heard of, or plays that are of no interest to me.

She never wants to talk to me or laugh at my jokes … or kiss me. I just felt good when she picked me up. She's beautiful and I wanted it to work out with her. But Abby is right. Caroline is too good to be true.

Even if I said that I don't care what Abby thinks … I do. She is the little voice of reason in the back of my head, telling me something is wrong. What she said about Caroline was right. I don't know how Rex got in the fridge, but even I don't believe that he just crawled in there whilst Caroline wasn't looking.

I sit in the car for hours thinking about our last fight. It wasn't even about Caroline anymore. Abby just didn't believe I was at Glastonbury. What a stupid fight eh?

When I'm back at the flat again, I slowly climb the stairs to my room and just sit; staring into the emptiness below me. I didn't feel this lonely when my dad died, but I had my mum then and I was only little. I should call Abby's family, but I don't even know if she has any. We never really talked about her family. What kind of friend does that make me! Well, at least I know that she keeps all her private stuff in boxes under her bed.

Maybe I could find a name or a contact number there?

It feels wrong to go through her stuff and her rooms smells like her so much that it makes me cry harder. There are pictures of people I don't know, old photos in black and white and some newer ones.

There are family pictures with Abby in them. Right at the bottom of the box is a photo with a little girl, a teddy-bear in one arm, holding hands with a little boy. What made this picture so special was the scribble on the back of it.

_Me and my baby brother Jack._

Abby has a brother … had. God … she really is gone. I can't make myself think of her in simple past verbs.. Had. Did. Would. Liked. Loved.

Instead of picking up the phone, I pick up the car keys again. From hacking into Abby's files at the ARC, I know she lived in Brighton before she moved to London.

I first realise that I don't know what I actually CAN tell her brother when I'm already out of the town. I just know that I would want someone to tell my mum if something happened to me. Someone who knew me. A friend.

There's a thunderstorm going on and I can't help but feel that it's appropriate. I lost Abby today and it SHOULD be raining.

When I'm in Brighton I drive around for a bit. This is where Abby grew up. Maybe she played in that park when she was a kid? I bet she was always a tomboy; climbing trees, running around with the boys. I smile at that image but it turns into a sob again. How can I smile when she is gone?

I don't even know if her brother still lives around here, so I stop at a McDonalds and take my laptop with me. I order a coffee and sit down in a quiet corner. Thank God for free WLAN.

There was no Jack Maitland listed anywhere in Brighton, but there was another Maitland. Cora.

Abby's mum's name is Sarah so maybe it's a cousin or an aunt? Grandmother? Well … I can try.

When I'm at the address I wrote down, I stop the car and get out of it. There's a lady in the front garden, tending to some flowers. When she sees me she smiles. I try to do the same, but I guess I fail.

"Can I help you?" I shake my head, because she can't.

"Hi. I … I'm Connor. Uhm … Do you know a Jack Maitland?" My voice is shaky … I wonder if she thinks that I'm shy, because she gives me an encouraging smile.

"Jacky? Yes. I know him. He's my nephew. Is everything okay with him?"

So she is Abby's aunt.

"Yes … I mean I think so. I need to talk to him about … uh … about Abby."

Her smile gets even wider.

"Oh Abby! She's such a bright girl. How is she doing? I haven't heard from her in ages! Are you a friend of hers?" I nod. I can't tell this lady that her niece is dead. Well technically, I don't think Lester would call her dead. The term he used for Captain Ryan was 'missing', but I can't tell her that either.

Before I know what I'm doing, I've turned around and run towards the car again. I can't do it. I can't say it, I just can't. That would make it real.

On the way home I hear my phone ringing, but I ignore it. I don't want to talk to anyone.

_A beautiful and blinding morning  
The world outside begins to breathe  
See the clouds arriving without warning  
I need you here to shelter me_

_And I know that only time will tell us how  
To carry on without each other_

_So keep me awake to memorize you  
Give me more time to feel this way  
We can't stay like this forever  
But I can have you next to me today _

The next morning I wake up on the sofa to the smell of coffee and bacon. I smile. It must be Saturday if Abby is cooking bacon.

When I stumble into the kitchen, my smile fades. Jenny is standing there.

I remember now. Abby is gone. My breath hitches again and my legs turn to jelly. Jenny is talking to me; telling me that it'll get better. How could she know? Tears stream down my face and burn my eyes.

I feel someone else behind me. A hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Stephen.

He looks at me and I know that he is angry. Not at me, but angry that we lost Abby.

"She's gone." I manage to sob out. I don't care if they think that I'm weak. I lost my best friend. Again. I thought the feeling of losing Tom was bad, he had been my mate since we were little kids, but this time it is even worse because Abby didn't know I loved her.

"She knew, Connor! She knew!" I hear Jenny mumble. I must have said something out loud … maybe everything, because Stephen says "You're not weak!"

Jenny's arms are around me and I clutch at her. She's crying too.

"I … can't …" I'm sobbing, and I don't even know what it is that I _can't._

Stephen asks if he should call someone, that I shouldn't be alone. I shake my head. Nobody would understand.

"I'll stay!" Jenny says and I'm grateful for that.

_If I could make these moments endless  
If I could stop the winds of change  
If we just keep our eyes wide open  
Then everything would stay the same_

_And I know that only time will tell me how  
We'll carry on without each other_

_So keep me awake for every moment  
Give us more time to be this way  
We can't stay like this forever  
But I can have you next to me today _

I don't feel like talking, and so Jenny just talks to me. For the last three weeks, I haven't spoken to anyone. I don't see the point of it. Words are meaningless when the one person you want to be here isn't.

Jenny moved in and since I don't actually sleep in my own bed anymore, I gave it to her. The only place I can sleep is Abby's bed, with her things around me; it's like she's close to me.

I know Caroline stopped by a few times, but I couldn't face her. I was fighting with Abby because of her. And really … what was the point of seeing her anyway. I know that I can't love her like I love Abby.

Some evenings, Jenny talks to me about work; about Stephen and Cutter rescuing a little girl from the Silurian era. Last night she told me about a mammoth on the motorway. I knew something happened there that she wouldn't tell me about. Maybe someone died? She tells me that there's something strange going on with the ADD but I don't think I can do anything about it. When she asks if I could come with her and take a look at it, I sigh and shake my head.

It takes Stephen to get me back to the ARC. He came by this morning and told me I had to come with him; that Helen had contacted him some time ago and again this morning. She's trying to rope him into some scheme of hers. On the way to the ARC he tells me about a bomb that someone tried to smuggle into the main room. Oh, and there'd been a "fucking future predator" in the ARC that had almost killed Lester.

I trail in after him and get right to work at the ADD. Stephen told me that Leek was the one that brought in the bomb and the predator.

While I'm running some tests on the ADD, I hear Lester and Cutter come into the main hub.

The Professor comes over to me and I look up at him. I want to say so many things, but I don't know anymore what they are.

He sits down next to me. When my eyes burn with tears again he just hugs me.

"I miss her so much!"

"I know, Connor. I know."

I'm really glad that we're alone right now. Its one thing to break down in front of friends, but all the ARC staff shouldn't see me like that. In some ways, Cutter feels like my dad and his hug actually makes me feel a bit better. I remember him telling me about this Claudia Brown. He had lost her too. I don't know how he felt about her, if he loved her, like I love Abby, but I know that he really knows how it feels to lose a friend.

After I've calmed down again, Cutter tells me that we need to find Leek. He tells me that Oliver somehow had a way to know about the Anomalies before they did.

I think about it. Jenny told me that the ADD was having some problems. The test run showed me that someone had been tinkering around with it. Maybe Leek? Does he have some kind of connection with it? Cutter remembered that Leek could control the future predator somehow. Then I got it. I could find him.

Cutter sits next to me whilst I try to find Leek.

Lester tells Cutter, Stephen and me to stay put. Even if he doesn't actually say it, I know he cares about us in his own way.

Ten minutes after Lester left the ARC, I had another idea for how we could find Leek. His mobile phone. If he had it on him, I could trace the number using the ADD.

"Stephen? Professor?" I shout, and I suddenly feel better than I have for the last few weeks. I can finally do something useful and I know Abby would want me to help and not just sit around feeling sorry for myself.

I explain to them what I'm doing, whilst the ADD scans in on a location. Cutter shrugs and Stephen nods "Let's go!"

Jenny arrives just as we are on our way out. Without asking she runs out with us. In the car I tell her where we are going.

The address we stop at looks like some kind of industrial area, the hand-held ADD shows us the right building and the last thing I remember is seeing Leek and about 15 Cleaners.

I wake up next to a still unconscious Cutter in a dark room. He comes round only seconds after I do and Helen leans over us.

The Professor tells her something, but my hearing seems to be jumbled somehow. I just hear a buzzing noise. The lights go on and I see that we are in a big room, with a lot of prehistoric creatures in laser cages before we got led out of the room. Guns are pointed at us and I get pushed into another room, whilst Cutter is taken elsewhere.

When I feel a hand on my shoulder I turn around to see Jenny. I still can't hear what she is saying, but I take her into my arms and give her a hug.

It takes some time, but my hearing returns slowly, so I actually hear the door open with a squeaking sound. Leek comes in with two of the Cleaners pointing guns at us.

"Where's the Professor and Stephen?" I ask angrily.

He smiles "Taking a tour." God I wish I could punch that smile right off his face! Then he adds "I brought you some company!" With that he gives a signal and Caroline is shoved in by another Cleaner.

Why did they get her into this? "Let her out! She has nothing to do with this at all!"

Leek laughs and I look at Caroline. She looks down and I realise that it is a look of guilt. But why?

Jenny comes up behind me and mumbles "Connor, for someone so bright you can be really thick sometimes." Then I start to get it.

Leek speaks up. "Do you really think a girl like her would go out with a guy like you? I paid her to pick you up."

She played me? She didn't really like me?

Jenny gets angry and goes over to Caroline. "Was it worth it? Did you get enough money out of it?"

Caroline looks at the older woman. "What do you care? Have you looked at him? I worked hard for the money!"

Ouch! It's not that I loved her, but I still thought that she at least liked me too.

Leek speaks again and I look him in the face. "Awww you thought she liked you? That she was attracted to you? Oh come on Connor. Girls like her don't go out with guys like us. We are the geeks, the losers!" He smiles and it makes me angry.

"Speak for yourself! I do alright with women." I sneer.

He looked at me and said: "You think so? Then tell me why you didn't tell Abby that you liked her. Everyone could see it. And she's not even that pretty. I really don't know what you see in her. Perhaps she's good in bed or something?"

How dare he talk about Abby like that? Something in me snaps and I take a swing at him. Somehow I actually manage to connect with his chin!

His head whips back and when he looks at me again he laughs "Not bad for a little loser like you. It almost hurt. You know what? Because I actually feel sorry for you, you pathetic wimp; I'm going to give you a second chance with her. You can tell her how you feel now"

He turns around and walks out of the room. The door closes behind him and the Cleaners and I look around for Jenny. Before I could ask what he meant, the door opens again and I just see someone being thrown into the room before the door slams shut again.

I can't breathe … Abby?... That isn't possible.

I stumble and get to my knees beside her. She is unconscious but it is Abby. I touch her face and a sob escapes my throat. Jenny is beside me a second later. She helps me to pick Abby up and carry her to a corner of the room. I sit down and cradle Abby's body to me. She is breathing and Jenny checks her over as best as she can.

"She seems to be okay. A few scratches but nothing serious."

I look down at Abby. She is still in the same clothes as she was the day we lost her. The yellow sweater was torn and she was shivering. I pull off my own blue sweater and Jenny helps me to put it on Abby.

A few minutes later Abby begins to wake up.

"Abby? Abs? Wake up! God, please wake up!"

"Conn?" I look over to Jenny who smiles brightly and shoves Caroline into another corner so that I could have some space alone with Abby.

Abby's eyes flutter and open. I smile and just say "Hi"

_We'll let tomorrow wait, you're here, right now, with me  
All my fears just fall away, when you are all I see_

Everything after that moment just happened in a blur. Abby woke up properly and I hugged her to me. She told me that Leek's man got her out of an old factory. He had told her that he needed her help, and that she played along for a few days; fearing that she would be harmed. Then he wanted her to help him with his little private Jurassic Park and she refused. After that, she always had a cleaner-guy pointing a gun at her and Leek threatening to have the rest of the team killed if she didn't co-operate.

On the bright side. Abby knew a lot about the building we were in. There were air shafts in all the rooms … and we actually got out in a matter of minutes. Leek thought he was so bright, but he didn't think of something so easy.

Jenny called in the troops to clear up the mess, and then I took Abby home after she had been fully checked by the medic at the ARC.

I'm sitting in front of the TV when Abby comes out of the shower. She smiles at me and I begin to realise that my nightmare is over. Abby is here. With me. Tears are in my eyes again when I think of the long weeks I thought she was dead. Abby comes to kneel in front of me. She smiles, it's like she read my thoughts. "I'm here Conn. I'm really here." She has tears in her eyes too and I smile. A real smile. The first one in weeks.

It surprises me when Abby gets up and sits down on my lap. She puts her arms around my neck and I snake my arms around her middle. She looks me in the eyes and without thinking I press my lips to hers. She responds after a few seconds, tightens her arms around me and whispers, "I love you Conn!"

When my head finally gets what she said, I pull back. "You what?"

She laughs at that. Maybe my face looks funny, but then she says it again. My heart races.

"I love you too, Abby. I love you!"

_We can't stay like this forever  
But I have you here today_

_And I will remember  
Oh, I will remember_  
Remember all the love we shared today

**END**

Credits: Lyrics - Josh Groban / Awake


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